Reflections in Life

In a world full of contrasts and contradictions, I’m sitting here on my laptop wondering, what is worth writing when everything feels uncertain?

And how did I get to 50 already?

It feels like I was in my thirties yesterday. Twenty years have zoomed by and I wonder if we really do become less relevant as we age, or if that is a myth written by someone young-er who thinks anything past thirty is old. 

I’ve been meaning to write to my website for a while. If something I write helps even one person, that feels like a life well lived. The last thing I want is to leave this world with regret, knowing I held things back. I want to share what I have while I’m here. If something resonates for someone, somewhere, then that is enough.

So here I am. Writing on my website again after some time away.

I have thousands of pages of words. Typed, handwritten, scribbled in journals, on napkins, post it notes, random pieces of paper. Just waiting for their moment.

And with AI everywhere right now, I feel an even stronger push to share my own words. My own voice. So this is the beginning, again. The first of a few pieces I’ll share over time.

There are always decisions. Different platforms. Email lists. Where to put things? Sometimes I wish someone would just say, do this, here, that is all you need. But life is rarely that simple. Or maybe it is, and we just make it complicated?

For those who have followed my work, you’ll know my connection with nature. My photography, my writing. I see the world through that lens. The materials I use to create are from the earth. And I am often asking, how do I share what nature shows me about life?

Three things have been on my mind lately. I say three things because I think I might make a thing of “three things” in future posts, maybe weekly or monthly. A certain time of the week post.

1 - Perspective. We get stuck in our patterns. Wake up. Same breakfast. Same drink. Same order every day. What if we changed it?

We’ve been travelling in our motorhome for four years now. Many times google maps has taken us the long way around instead of straight through. At first it feels like we are lost but we aren’t really, we just find new places we haven’t been to before.

If you run the same track every day, try it in reverse. Same path, different view. What changes?

Shift something small in your day and see what happens. Even something uncomfortable can show you something new. Sometimes discomfort is the doorway to opportunity.

2 - Standing in my Power. Lately I’ve been practising this more.

I’m someone who naturally says yes. I want people to feel comfortable. I don’t want to disappoint anyone. But sometimes that yes is hiding a very important no.

Recently I said no to something because it was not doable. And afterwards, I felt relief. Liberation. A sense of aroha for self because I had honoured what was true, for me. Before, I would have said yes out of fear. Fear of consequence. Fear of not being liked. Fear of being seen differently. Fear.

3 - A lesson in my journals. Four years ago, when we left our house, I had around thirty journals. I threw them out in the rush of clearing things.

I still think about that. There were twenty years of words in those pages. Ideas. Reflections. Pieces of myself. Some of it needed to go, but not all of it.

Those pages are now somewhere in amongst rubbish, or maybe they have already broken down after four years, buried with everything else. My words in the middle of discarded stuff. If I had that moment again, throwing out my journals I would have done it differently. I would have made a ceremony of it, I usually would have done that. Burn the pages that needed to go and return them to Ranginui and Papatūānuku. Mahuika would have transmuted that energy for me and I wouldn’t be still thinking about those pages four years later. Maybe that would have felt better. Maybe not.

Those words still linger in my memory, like a scratched record that keeps playing. Waiting.

An important lesson, do not throw out pages of journals in haste unless you are absolutely sure they are no longer wanted and needed. Even better, burn them in ceremony as they carry emotional energy, often years.